my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't deserve a penis
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
