when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.