I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
