"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME