***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think pants incapable of making pants work