Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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