he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
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It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?