if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
