Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
