also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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