You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
