lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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