okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
