Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
