i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
