I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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