my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
