dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
someone owes me an orgasm
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
