Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
