is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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