You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
