My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
