My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
