Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
