Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
