he shaved USA in his pubs
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
