So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and she was petting her beer can
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
