There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
