If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
