she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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