Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
