we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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