Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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