The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
