what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
