Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
