it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My penis needs a shock collar
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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