I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
