Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
