Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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