So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
