My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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