Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
