I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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