is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
