He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
