The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
