Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
