it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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