I heard we made out
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
