$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
