Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
