i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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