walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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