i think my mom watched the whole time
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
