Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
