Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't deserve a penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
