We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
