she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
