$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
