I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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