i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize