Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
