you turned your livingroom into a bong?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
