You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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