I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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