i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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