So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
