Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
