I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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