My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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