I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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